How to Stop Blaming Yourself! More Self Trust, Less Self Doubt, More Self Love (VIDEO)

Our Single Mother Advice Maven Tinzley Bradford Shares Her Joyful Wisdom…

Hello Single Ladies!

Whether you’re a single mother or just a single goddess, have you noticed that you’re pretty hard on yourself? Do you find yourself constantly placing the blame of why you’re still single not only on the men, but on yourself? Do you find yourself caught in the cycle of I would if I could but I can’t because I never do? You can’t see past your faults so therefore you continue to accept the blame yet do nothing to stop the cycle simply because you don’t know where to start…

Single Blame and Single Shame

I’m guilty of it, too. It affects us all in different ways. Whether it hinders us from progression, whether it makes us become abusive and negative to others, whether we began to resent and alienate ourselves from our close family and friends, or even chose to stay in unhealthy relationships it does have an impact on our lives. We are so focused on the fact that we are single until it begins to define who we are. Our very existence becomes how single and unlovable we are and why it must be our fault!

Even Whitney Houston: “Am I good enough?”

A small resolution to this problem is making sure you’re prepared for the right guy to love you; then the changes you start to see in your life just might surprise you. Recently we lost musical icon Whitney Houston. While everyone at her homegoing ceremony expressed their condolences, one person stood out to me because he connected with what many women suffer from each and every day; lack of self-esteem.

Kevin Costner said that Whitney Houston was beautiful and successful but she was still wondered if she was good enough, if she was pretty enough, would people like her. Sound familiar?

Every day in our quest for true love many single women ask these same questions: Does he like me? Will I be good enough this time? Does he really think I’m pretty? We ask this because we have doubts of our own. We see ourselves as that person who’s got bad credit, that person who’s gained a lot of weight and no longer feels sexy, that person stuck in a dead end job. We then fear he too will notice all these things about us and wonder; why would he want that?

How to Move Forward

Ladies, it’s time to stop the blame and start living the best life you know how. It begins with Y-O-U! I know it’s easier said than done but I’m a firm believer that baby steps have long lasting, positive results. The more you sit around moaning and groaning the more time you waste not living the life you deserve.

I used to feel the need to tell guys all the things I didn’t have going for myself. I was preparing them for my failures so they could decide whether to give me a chance. Why did I do this? I didn’t feel worthy. I thought this was the right approach, I mean, at least I was honest right? Actually what I was doing without even realizing it was setting limitations for myself. If I walk in saying this is me and this is as good as it gets; then there you have it!

New Beginnings

Today I’d like you to take a little time to sit back and meditate on all your accomplishments. Meditate on your vision for your life then start to make the connections needed to move closer to your goals and passions. Once you begin to treat yourself right, you’ll attract a man who also wants to treat you right as well. It won’t happen overnight for everyone but starting the process is so worth the benefits. If you don’t know how or where to start, leave a comment and maybe I can help suggest a few things. Today the blaming stops!

You are, you can, and you will. Remember, the more you trust yourself, the less you doubt yourself. No more self sabotage. You are valuable.

If you can’t see the video above click here.

Thanks for stopping by!


P.S. Thanks for watching and reading.

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  1. Blink182Girl

    What I postiive post and website. so glad I stumbled by………

  2. Party Star

    I’m not single but this all applies to me too. Thanks Tinzley. 

  3. TRUTH

    I have a few people who need this advice – STARTING WITH ME. 🙂

  4. Rae

    I really loved this blog post!  I know for sure I am mad guilty of all of the above.  Especially the “Am I Good Enough?” piece.  And I am in a relationship, but not married and what I’ve realized is all of those things can still apply.  The doubts don’t stop when you find someone amazing.  In fact, they become more frequent sometimes.  I started writing and blogging.  Chronicling my issues and challenges and how I have gotten past them.  It’s been amazing.  I also started to be more open, accept myself (all parts as is) and it’s definitely getting better.  Thank you for the post!!!

  5. Hello Rae! What a lovely testimony and I’m so happy you figured it out and are moving forward. You’re so right even with love the doubts still come.Thanks for your comment love!

  6. Hey truth and that’s why I wrote it. I know this is a huge thing that many beautiful ladies like you and me struggle with and it can unknowingly destroy us. Thanks for your comment and now we can work on it together, pinky squared?? 🙂

  7. You’re very welcome! In a small way I think a bit of everyone is in this post and many don’t even realize it. Together we will conquer this and spread our wings again! Thanks! 🙂

  8. Glad you enjoyed this post and yes Abiola has one of the best blogs in the nation and I’m just happy to know her. She is a doll!

  9.  Love this post. It was so touching, I felt so unloved everyday, not important and even my self confidence affected by this feeling not knowing that I am an amazing person, I get blinded by my past by the pain that I felt, thanks for this enlightenment and thanks for encouraging as to fight, go live your life and always love your self. from the bottom of my heart THANKS. =D

  10. You’re very welcome Ossa, this too shall pass. We are awesome and we ARE worthy even though we’re far from perfect! I always say when you surround yourself with people who treat you the way you want to and deserve to be treated, the healing begins! You are loved! I adore you for your courage to even share this! Have a wonderful evening my dear!

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