Rolling Out Weekly Advice Column: Breakups Reminder…

Do you know the weekly national urban newspaper Rolling Out Urbanstyle? It comes out on Thursday or Friday depending on where in the country you live.

Here’s this week’s column!


Hey Gorgeous Ones,

Well 80% of your letters are seeking breakup advice. Your girl Abiola is no stranger to breakups. My entire novel Dare is about rebounding. I’m monogamous by nature although I love a fly date. I had my one major breakup a couple of years ago and in hindsight, good riddance. I also had a mini breakup a few months ago from a situation I would’ve advised you to run from: baby mama/fiancé, scandal—a mess! But, ces’t la vie. This is my Public Service Announcement: Top 10 Ways to Move On and Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt. (Although I say “he” you can apply to men or women.)


1. Listen to good breakup music. Singer Cheri Dennis told me that her drama became her album In and Out of Love.

2. Program your phone not to ring if he calls.

3. Don’t speak to him again ever. Or for 12 weeks. Whichever comes first!


4. Have fun. Living well is the best revenge. Sing, dance, pray or go to the movies.

5. Be social. See who else is out there. Word.

6. Give away anything that reminds you of el jerko. I gave my ex’s “Army” watch to the homeless.

7. Send the loser good energy. You’re the bigger person, right?


8. Don’t text, email or leave voice mails cussing him out. Write only letters that you never send and vent to friends. Healing is about you not him.


9. Make better choices next time. When we know better we do better.

10. From Dare: a) Create a voodoo doll of him. b) Stick it with exactly 47 pins. c) Bash him in the face with it. Haha! Don’t do that, but it is funny. See, you’re smiling again.

xoxo,

Abiola

Abiola Abrams is a BET personality, author, filmmaker and motivator. Email your questions from Abiola’s site www.thegoddessfactory.com or myspace.com/goddessfactory. You can buy her novel Dare wherever you buy books and watch The Planet Abiola Show on blackplanet.com/planetabiola.

You are the one you've been waiting for.

This is your time. You are ready.

Rolling Out Weekly Advice Column: Boyfriend is a Jerk!

Do you know the weekly national urban newspaper Rolling Out Urbanstyle? It comes out on Thursday or Friday depending on where in the country you live.

Here’s this week’s column!

Dear Abiola,
I am at my wits end. I am a 26 year old woman with no kids and I have just realized that I have given a complete loser the past 3 years of my life. My 30 year old boyfriend during our relationship belittled me in front of other people, nitpicked at every little thing that I do, laughs at me and calls me a fatty. I am 5’6” and weigh 130 pounds.

The last straw was on Valentine’s Day. We went out to dinner and he kept on telling me that I was eating too much. When we got to the parking lot, he jumped into the car and locked the doors. I thought that he was playing until he said that he was going to drive slow for the next 5 blocks and I should walk alongside the car to lose some weight. I had no choice and started crying and walking. He finally let me in 2 blocks later, but at that point I was through. I moved out but now my heart is completely broken.

I don’t know what to do. Should I give him another chance? He says that he’s sorry and I know that he had a rough childhood. He calls, emails and texts me all day.
Wits End in Wichita

Dear Wits End,
Girrrrrl, if you go back to him I will have to call you Half Wit instead of Wits End. My first instinct is to shake you and ask what took you so long to leave this joker. He is not a man at all. Whether you realize it or not, you have spent the last 3 years in an abusive relationship. You are an abused woman and so yes, you want to go back to him because this is what you know right now. I know that you feel alone, but millions of people go through this every day. It is part of being human. You are not alone. I promise you that.

Love does not hurt. Love is beautiful and thoughtful, trusting and meaningful, but it does not hurt. Trust me, your heart will heal, but it will take time. Meanwhile, what is going on now is all about you, not him. Let’s take him out of the equation. Change your numbers and email if you have to. I want you to do some work on yourself to figure out why you were with this jerk in the first place. If you don’t investigate this, I promise, a few months from now you will be back with someone else who is exactly like him.
xo,
a.

You are the one you've been waiting for.

This is your time. You are ready.

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