Why Black Women are Unattractive: "Psychology Today" Called Me Ugly

Psychology Today Asks, Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Others? Are You Talking To Me?

 

Lenny SMiling



Passionista Principle: Beauty is only skin deep but ugliness runs straight to the bone.

Hey Rockstars,

For most of my life I’ve heard, “Wow, you are such a beautiful black woman” and “You’re so pretty to be so dark.”

My perceived physical beauty is somehow seen at odds with my skin color. Why is being a chocolate woman and being beautiful surprising?

Last Summer, I interviewed author Kola Boof who was recently featured on the cover of the National Enquirer as Osama Bin Laden’s mistress.

In my interview Kola revealed that Osama Bin Laden had “the hots” for black women. [video] I was horrified and said something like, “Who gives a damn if a mass murdering terrorist finds black women attractive?” To which my producer, also a strong, brown skinned black woman replied, “Well at least somebody wants us.”

Every other week an athlete, rapper or news report sings the story of black women’s undesirability. This month, Psychology Today thought that it would be bloody brilliant to allow a post by a “scientist” called, “Why Black Women Are Unattractive.” Really, Psychology Today? As if, it is a truth universally acknowledged? The original article by Asian researcher Satoshi Kanazawa, a lecturer from the London School of Economics, has been since deleted. [Find the article Psychology Today removed here.]

What fresh hell is this?

It’s a little bit hard not to feel under attack. I grew up watching enough Arnold Schwarzenegger  films to know that attackers don’t always show up inthe face you expect them to. They come bearing a guise of science or love and then before you can say “baby mama,” there they are guns blazing and aiming at you.

Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean that people are not after you.

When I was in college and first read the words, “Ever since I knew there was something called a colored girl, an evil woman, a bitch or a nag, I been trying not to be that. Leave bitterness in somebody else’s cup.” Those words rocked my soul as TLC rocked my CD player. In that For Colored Girls verse Ntozake Shange detailed my life’s battle up to that point in 32 words.


In other words, ever since I learned that I was supposed to be some evil black bitch I have been trying not to be that. But I can’t base what I’m gonna be off of somebody else’s woolly fears. These articles, videos, episodes of Nightine and Steve Harvey advice hours hurt my very soul. Faster than I can whip out a breast and yell ain’t I a woman here they come with something else.
“This hurts. This hurts me.”
And then they ask, “why are you so angry?” When you started out in the world feeling quite joyful. It should not be a wonder when we are angry. It is an outright miracle when we are not.

Here’s what you and your study missed, Mister:

?Your beauty is nothing like mine.

Black brown, red skin, big lips, thick nappy hair and wide nose.

Your beauty is nothing like mine. Real swaying hips, genuine thighs, ample backside and big gorgeous eyes.

?Your beauty ain’t like mine, brilliant and curried, sweet potatoed and saltfished, rotied and collard greened. 

Your beauty is nothing like mine. Because my beauty in all of it’s many guises – acceptable and unacceptable- classic and fearful- dark and light- your beauty ain’t like mine- because my beauty is just fine.

With or without the men  to d
efend it.
With or without your pen to end it. With or without your opinion you see, I’m just fine being me.

Weaved Afroed dreaded braided or bobbed; yes I am a beauty snob because Your beauty is nothing like mine.

Cleopatra JonesIf I was my Superwoman alter ego, this is where I would do a cartwheel Cleopatra Jones style and pull a pistol in slow motion on a sucker, faster than a black male actor can lampoon my womanhood in dress. ?
But there is no pistol. No funk music. Not today.
Because I am as vulnerable as I am strong, as flawed as I am perfect, underneath the bravado I am the flesh and blood woman you forgot existed.
My beauty cannot be measured by your studies. My brilliance cannot be Mis-measure by man.
I am bowed but not broken.

Because my beauty is not yours to define or criticize.
Your beauty is nothing like mine.
And for this, I am so grateful.

 

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Comments

  1. Howell O.

    Abiola, I am a White Man, German grandparents and I find African American women to be the most beautiful on the planet. If I could get you or Naomi Campbell to throw cell phones at me all day I would! Psychology Today is retarded and backward.

  2. Michael Taylor

    To all the beautiful Nubian Queens: Pay no attention to the outright ignorance of the article. You are beautiful beyond compare and the world is blessed by your presence. Know that your beauty runs much deeper than the color of your skin. Your beauty comes from your ability to love, nurture, support and inspire us to become better men.

    We also love your beautiful full lips, curvaceous bodies and nappy hair. We love your "sassy attitude" and the confidence and grace you exude as you strut your stuff along the challenging streets of life.

    You are beauty personified and God knew exactly what he/she was doing when you were created.

    Bask in your beauty sista's we love and honor the beautiful angels that you are.

    (happily married to a beautiful black woman)

  3. Adam Woods

    Ditto to the men above. And yo do have the men to stand up for you. Of all races. Promise.

  4. Paige Flori

    Well said Abiola! Beauty is not race, age, height or weight. It is not hair type or color. It is not a degree, bank account or job title.

    Beauty is a collection of unique attributes and experiences, which collide to form a single, living, breathing soul. This is why it comes in many colors, shapes, sizes and personalities.

    Any man who does not understand what true beauty is destined to a loveless lifetime. I pity them.

  5. Anonymous

    Well even as a black woman, I can say that I generally don't find black women attractive. It's not that they or we are inherently ugly because many actually have a look that could be very alluring, if they/we knew how to display it. Most don't. Also attractiveness is full of many components and most bw don't seem to understand this. Most don't seem wholesome, which makes them gross and unattractive. They have this corrupt, overtly sexual, low class, dramatic, or crazy looking appearance or demeanor which is appauling. It's not because you're black but because you present yourself in an unattractive light and don't understand the psychology of attraction.

  6. Anonymous

    Wow. That was BEAUTIFUL, Abiola. You are beautiful inside and out.

  7. Mo

    As a black man, nothing sets my mind on fire and gives me a rush more than seeing a beautiful dark woman walk by me (especially in the airport, because that means she likes to travel! haha) … It shocks me more and more as I've grown that other fellow black men feel exactly the opposite, as in, the lighter the better, regardless of her inherent attractiveness.

    And despite this, I fear sometimes I won't even marry a black woman, because all these attacks will make many black women put up such a wall of distrust & negativity that I'll be forced to expand my horizons — which in itself isn't wrong, as we see from the other races of men above that love black women — but which will label me as yet another black man who doesn't like black women.

    It's a dilemma.

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